Downhill

(13th August 2006)

How long have I got now?
And until what?

At least one night
At most another thirty years ....
If I get there.

Where do I go now?
What will I do now?
When I can't feed them,
Can't feed myself,
When winter freezes over
And bills pile in
Internet wants paying for,
More gas, more water,
Electricity to die for,
Just keeps coming,
Never stops.

It wasn't supposed to be like this,
Should have been the Great Leap Forward,
Ironic as it was for Him,
And how he lied.
But I DIDN'T!
I believed!
I wanted and needed,
To succeed, to be wanted and needed,
To be proud of what I did.
I want to be,
Still want to be,
But how anyone can be
Proud of failure,
Again and again ...
Should be used to it.

Done if often enough,
Wasn't supposed to be this way.
"Genius", "Boy Wonder",
"He can READ!",
Early life had its glory,
Then it all changed,
Down it all came,
To this that I feel now.