The Word

(12th August 2006)
 
I've always been this way
I suppose
From schools that lied
Jobs that tied
And knotted me into submission
And guilt

I've wanted to blame them
Blame everyone, Blame the world
Blame even those who say they need me
For all the hurt
I feel inside

I keep strong
But the strong are weak
Outside they seem mighty
Inside a house of cards
One false move
One more wobble
They'll all come down in a useless heap
On the table, over the floor
They'll fall to the toilet even
Get flushed down
Gone forever
And no-one will realise who they were
Till theyu're not here again

There's a word
The hardest word I know
I've resisted it
Tried to fight it away
It just gets stronger and deeper
My fists become pillows
The feathers are flying
And the knockout punch is approaching

Just how much more?
One head is so small
So finite in size
For all this misery, this pain
This failure
Yes. I've said it now.

And that's what it is
A whole catalogue of life it takes
Never before open to the public
Or even private viewing
Until now.

Finally realised
God is not on my side
Except that there isn't one
So that leaves no-one
Nobody to help or harmonise
Unburden or uplift
Assist or stimulate
Join in
HELP me!
Oh god I need help!
'Cos I can't take it
Going down faster than Klammer
But no finish line
Only time.