You not Me

(15th September 2012)
 
It's YOU!
COME!
TO!
MEEE!!
Cos I like, I need what I see.
Ohh ...
He is there with you now
To obstruct,
In the way,
There to fuck
You, not me ...

You Are Here

(late summer, 2011)

The sun may shine all day
The rain can fall
Wind may blow wild through the hills

That's OK

Frost can form
Muddy tides can slide down
Even the open earth could be
I will not worry
Cos you, YOU are here with me

Year of Void

(Wednesday 24th June 2009, early evening)
 
Would anyone like ....
to Join Me here?
In my Year of Void

Yes, will be empty
Your life will stop
Like mine

But hey,
It's not SO hard
We will endure together
And fight through

But
The point is ....
I NEED YOU!

Words

(25th March 2012)
 
Words are like beautiful flowers,
If you give them love and encouragement, they will reward you.
Words are stubborn,
You just can't get them right.
Words are for me stories,
They have a beginning, an end,
And in the middle some detail,
But you never know
Until the last letter.

If you look after words,
They will bloom and flower
And give great joy and pleasure.
Everyone will see,
Everybody too will want words like yours.

But if you are angry,
Words can bring fire,
And spit in the faces of those who abuse them.
You can never win a war with words.

It is hard to know another life,
To experience life without the joy of words.
They give us so much:
Great plays, writers of fame, songs to die for.
We would not have these without words.

So next time,
When next you war with your words,
Just remember where you came from,
And what you want to be.
Words will give all you need,
A love of words is a life with words,
And all that they bring to you will be a pleasure,
Not just today, but now and forever.
Words will be your guide,
And expression your salvation,
And ONLY with words,
Will you finally find what you seek.

Without You

I had a good time tonight
It could have been with you
It should have been with you
But you weren't here

What did you do tonight?
Did you stay in?
Did you fight with your mother (again)?
Did you go out?
I thought of you tonight

It's not so easy
Being with you
Being without you
I can't be either just now
But 'without' is how it shall be

For I can't forget
This time last week
What you did
What you said
What you thought
The memory is so bitter of you

I enjoyed tonight without you
Yes I did
It was possible
And I did it
And I know I can do it again
And I can get over you

They asked me about next year
And I told them
And I said, "Don't be so sure"
That's the way it is for me
To be without you
There is nothing here

What can you do for me?
I think nothing now
I see nothing now
I don't want anything now
From you

It feels good
I can have socks with holes
I can do what I want
I can be myself
And you can't complain
About anything

I thought of that song today
"Something Happened On The Way To Heaven"
And it did
And it has
And it's done
So what now?

Am I in Hell?
Because of this
Because of you
And all you said
I think not
But it's close

Wish You Were Here

(end February, 2012)
 
Wish you were here
And my bed was made with you in it
Wish I could see you
And touch you, taste your sweet face again
Wish I could hear you
Your sweet voice like angel's wings beating
Want to, NEED to
But OH ....
So far all this is from me
I only wish it could be ....
A reality

Will You, Will We

(early February 2005)

Will you
get the bus tonight?
Will you
make it here alright?
Will you
lose your mind tonight?

You might

Oh

So

Will we
get it right tonight?
Will we
have an awful fight?
Will it
be a nasty sight?

It might

Oh dear

Well

Do you
understand what's right?
Do you
think we'll see the light?
Do you
think this is all that right?

I don't

Ah

So

Have we
time to talk tonight?
Have you
had a chance to write?
Have I
had enough of fight?

I have

Wild Horses

(mid June 2009, early evening)
 
You see them
They come, come to your door
Through your windows
They invade you
Completely

What will you do now?
Will you resist or fight?
Repel or defend?
Or will you let them in
Befriend them, nurture them
And make them as your own

For they have sought
Have searched high, low and wide
Crossed deserts, plains and gone through forest
To find you here

Now they are at rest
Time to lay down their loads
And feel
This is their stable, their haven
Their home and resting place
With you inside your heart

And they will change
Before your eyes will see them
No longer savage beasts
But gentle and caring
Needing and loving
Wanting to please
And needing to know
To feel your love
With them too
Inside
They will rest easy
Now they have come home
To you, my love
It is over.

Why?

Why?
You told me that you loved me
And begged me not to leave you
Why?

I gave you flowers
I gave you me
I gave you everything
But it wasn't enough
Why?

I hope you're happy now
In your loneliness with your lonely times
And nothing to comfort you except memories
Are you really happy?
I'm not. Why?

It makes no sense to me
Why you would want this
And to make two people so very unhappy
Just isn't worth the while
Is it. Why, then?

I hope you'll be happy one day
I hope you'll find a man who ....
Gives you everything and doesn't argue
About the petty things you liked so much to
So bloody stupid! Why??

I just don't understand anything
I don't understand why
Or what the reason is for such a stupid argument
Am I really so bad?
You seem to think so
But I'm not, so Why?

So it's all over now
And everything we had is ruined
We could have been so great together, you and me
Just the greatest thing we could have had
We both wanted it, so Why?

I don't know
Why? Why? Why?

Whole Again

(end November, 2011)

If tonight was Armageddon
Or the Horsemen rode into view
If the bomb dropped or sky fell
I would smile

I would not worry or fret
Neither vex nor be at worry
Stress would not be on my head
Only happy times and mood

For I
Would be with you

Where did you step?
And appear unto me from?
Was it fate?
Did the wind blow?
And trees chatter in the breeze
To call you to me
This I feel
Now, NOW is the time
To be whole again

Where Are You?

(2nd February 2013)

Where are you, my love ...
Tonight
And who sits ...
Here where you are not?
None shall see
But will hear only the sound
Of silence

What Will Be

(early August, 2009)
 
What will be ....
What is nice,
What I won't,
I must think twice

When I'm there
The day is dawned
My thoughts, desires
Will all be born

The things I need
I'll find them there
Those super eyes
That long, long hair

And what will she?
She think of I?
I hope that we
Can learn to fly

The best is there
I know it well
To free me from
My Years In Hell

But what is next?
When there I'm quit
When will we next
Together sit

I hope that this
Is not our last
I want with her
Forget our past.

What Was What Will Be

(23rd February 2013)

What was
Now is not to be
And what WILL be
Was better
But what CAN be
May never be
And what MUST be
Should wait

So whatever be
Is forever be
And what COULDN'T be
Is done
Can we hope to be ...
Best of You and Me?
Will we ever be ...
As one?

It may never be
What we want to be
Did we try to be ...
For fun?
I hope You and Me
May be two or three
And at least we'll see
What comes!

What is Me?

(late December, 2009)
 
Now, what is it?
You want to be
And how to know ....
If you're what you can be?

And who am I?
To say to me
That I am not
All that you say I should be

And what IS me?
The one you see
How do you know ....
I am not ....
Who you expect me to be?

When we are free
We will all see
That no-one
Can tell us
Why we can never be

What is Love?

(late June 2012)
 
What is love ... anyway?
A blinding of souls
Sealing of the mind
Rose-tinting glasses ... and here we go
Into another abyss
That is deep without end
And meaning with none
We stop, we believe
Even walk on water
Yet soon, AGAIN, it opens
Reality takes us
Into its jaws we fall
To be consumed by fire
Till the next ...

What Is It?

(9th March 2013)

What is it then?
Who brought me here? Why?
What is it I'm to do?
Still life without reason
Days lack cause

Is it out there?
Some show please, some eye
A taste, sliver of clues
To guide or position ...
Where it is I am to be

Wall Of Sound

(3rd March 2013)

I am not
What you lack
I do not possess
What you do not have

You are closed to me
When I arrive
And do not see
I too am human
I just want to know more
To see you better
And to see you human too

I am open to
Your "Wall Of Sound"
But see only silence and dark
When I return it

Vodka

Vodka one drink, vodka two
One for me and Six for you
Keep on drinking, don't stop now
Time for stopping is Never Not How.

Let's have vodka, You and Me
In the Garden, Up the Tree
Take more bottles, Take them There
Don't forget the Garden Chair

Now we're drinking, Happy Days!
We don't care what Mother says
She's as drunk as both of us!
So Come Here Mum and sit wih us.

Where's your father? He is late!
Is that him at Garden Gate?
I can't see him 'cos I'm pissed
If it's not, he won't be missed.

Have you finished up your glass?
I can see it's Not the Last
You've had Fifty, Me just Ten
So Open Up! We'll Start AGAIN!

Virus Grows

(Wednesday 6th June 2012)
 
Like a virus it grows
Drags you down
At first you fight, you say NO
Resisting it strong, you win
It is numb to this
Returning it climbs more
Unexplained how, unseen where
You see it? You fight
But time it takes
And energy much

In the end, still end
You are lost
You submit, it has won
Triumph is not yours
And from there you are prey
Victim to its grasp
You want to fight, it holds you
From its grasp you cannot
For you lie down deep
Too much above
And daylight fades, though is
But the storm never fades

You sleep
To your very soul it has come
Will you win? I fear you cannot
WHO? Who has the formula?
An antidote to this
The 'Freedom Drug' must be
To be free
But, you see
Your mind is just a memory
Not yours now, but his, not your own

Who ARE you now??
Are you me?
I just cannot see
The sense, sense is not me
What I was
I will now not be
Till I free, I can break

I could run, you see
Though my steps are in back
Towards you, holding me
Let or please, LET GO!
I just want to be ME!
You don't need, don't see
For you need me to be
Or else ...
You yourself will not be free

Upon Me Again

(10th April 2013)

It's here
Deja-vu upon me again
But not this one,
THIS time I'll WIN!

But why?
Cos SHE is different,
Someone new, Feel new
And from her, though so far, I feel too
The sense of need

Ohh! How I long for the feeling!
And need the time
And THIS, like no other
Will get it right

Plans drawn, hopes made
Keep the lid ON!
Boil DOWN, my friend
To run too soon from crippledom
Will be no "Forrest"
Take at ease, breathe long, deep
Stay cool
And hope, HOPE
She feels the same

Up Down

(2nd February 2013)

Do I have ...
Or have not?
Did I lose or win?
Champ or chump, bright dark, in out
Or back whence I came
That time ago.
Will deja vu rear its head?
Or flap wings?
Will that bird learn to fly again?
Or sink? ... or swim?
And when the times comes ...
Will it be to Up or Down?

How will I know?
It is early
To soon to see
What colour of life will bloom from this.

Two Lonely Halves

(end October 2009, early evening)
 
I am one for the love of you
Together we go
Go on down the road
We were two lonely halves
Searched high and low, east and west

The path is before us
The road to paradise
We go, though we fear
Will the dark come again?
Will the sun pass over?

So come, come to me,
Tight the locks, throw that key
And we, WE are here, always here, you and I
The ones who were MEANT to be
You and me, just here, just WE

Let's run away, go far
Find a house, buy a car
Never oh never, will we be too far
Just you and I
And the world is ours

And when we are there
Sweet birds shall sing
And the sun shines
Never will it dark again
For I am with you

Two Drifting Clouds

(mid October, 2009)
 
You and I
Like two drifting clouds we wandered
Destined to roam and go endlessly nowhere
Forever to be neither here nor there
Then one day maybe rain?

And it happened
By chance we came together and the journey was done
Two united and one was born
Looks the same
But now we pull together
We go the same way
Look the same, feel it too
For you and I will not be parted
Not by sun, rain, snow
Never by winds far and wide
And no weather map can track us or follow where we go

But we know
The end is in sight
And we grow, we are bigger now
We work as one, act together
Are we not so happy?

How did it happen?
Just was meant to be
We wanted, so it was
Fate drew us together
And holds us there
We are not "we"
Just "one"

True Friend Lie Friend

(Saturday 1st December 2012)

Just what IS a friend?
A true friend, a lie friend,
A friend you can run to or hear of?
One you count on or run from?
Or one who needs you as the last?

We all have them
Who do they need us?
They are like sheep, you the black one
An object of interest,
Then back to flock,
To mow the new fresh grassy mound

And then it comes
The time you discover, find all
That your "friend" needs them, not you
Your day is their last
And others more magnets
To this "friend" you, "will do",
But only when others, "do not"

We do not need them!
Yet we DO!
We have them, cling to,
They are life blood, needed,
And without, you are an island.
Your lost soul is drifted,
Going down with each move.
It takes more than a lot to say NO!
And drive them from your campfire
Put out the flames of desire
For this "friend" is a face
That you need NO MORE!

Trapped

(25th October 2009, just after midnight)
 
You did me wrong,
Do you think you help?
Or provide comfort?
Stable living is all I need.
I came here for it, to find it,
All I have is pain,
And broken promises.
Lies are a-plenty.

And he back "home",
He needs me, misses me daily,
I know I should be there,
To help him along,
But "there" is hellfire,
And only a return to misery.

Touchables

(28th August 2010)

What is it ....
That makes a man his life?
Money? Power? Fame? Sex?
Touchables come and they leave us
But it is INSIDE
The mind knows what the heart needs
And brings it to us
With all its glory and light
And once we have, none shall leave us
For we are in LOVE
The GREATEST god of all!

Tonight

It was so good just to hold you
It was so good just to be with you
In my bed
With me
Us together
But you're not here tonight

I wonder where you are
Who you're with
Probably no-one
I've just got my pillow and my memories
Of you with me
Tonight

And now it really hurts
To think of you in another place
With another man
Well, maybe not but it's still possible
As you're not here
Anything's possible
Tonight

I turned the lights on
I looked for you here
But you weren't there - of course
And I felt stupid
And rather lonely
Being here
Tonight

I feel a certain sorrow
And I'm not sure what to do
Maybe you, maybe someone else can take your place
But only the darkness is here with me now
Tonight

Together In Union

(Thursday 22nd October, 2009)
 
Alone
You and I
Apart we are distant
Together in Union
With you I will ALWAYS succeed
And TOGETHER we will TRIUMPH
The odds may be against
But we will battle
And smite the Dragons
Like wild horses none shall halt us
Or tread down on our path
My way is yours
We are the victors
Let us pass NOW!

To Our Eden

(Wednesday 20th May, 2009, evening)
 
I am up here,
Down I see you but you are not far,
For you are with me,
And we fly and float in heavenly bliss.

May it never end or stop,
May it go on till we reach the rainbow,
And find our pot of gold,
To our Utopian land of love and happiness.

It will be there, it waits,
It needs us, calls us to its heart,
We follow, we do not falter or break down,
Only sweep on through clear skies,
With open hearts and minds at peace.

When we are there, my love,
The world will close, a new door for us will be,
Will we open it, step inside it?
Our secret Garden of Eden shall be,
Full of spring warmth and sun,
We stay, our time is just begun,
And will not end,
We will remain,
Two hearts,
Together,
Just us,
Alone.

Time the Selfish Man

(Saturday 7th April 2012)

Time Time the Selfish Man.
Time takes, never gives,
Time steals and laughs, runs and hides,
And borrows without return.

And Time is never enough.
We want but do not have,
We bore but it creeps on.
Time shows us what life is,
And we never do forget,
That Time is always King.

And Time does not discriminate or divide,
All beings are one with Time.
You will not better your neighbour,
Nor conquer your foe,
If what you depend on is Time.

So just what IS the sense of Time?
Who needs it?
We age, we forget,
And Time leaves us needing what we never had,
And takes from us what we do.

Should we be happy?
Is our time on Earth enough?
Do we do what Time permits?
Or just what we are able?
And do YOU need MORE time ....
To make up, to undo or compensate.
Then perhaps more of life you would have,
And less of Time would you need.

So at the end of all of this,
Time is the Healer,
The Raging Fire, The Giver and Taker,
The Ruler of all hearts,
And Stalker of minds.

So if you ever feel you need or lack,
Time will come to your aid,
Then take from your lips,
The sweet scent of freedom.
You will not know it,
But Time has been and gone,
And left you for another.

Time Ignores

(late June 2011)
 
As I lay me down tonight
I turn to you
But no-one is there
Just the sounds, the motion
As it takes me far from where you stand

How I wished this day not to come
Though time ignores,
It goes on, relentless
So selfish in its progress
And now laughs at my back

"You fool!", he cries
"How could you think to defy me?"
"Nobody but NO-ONE can win,
Or fight against me"
"No sword is greater,
And no chariot more mighty
To lead to our battle."
"Do not hope or think to conquer.
Accept your loss,
And your day will be done!"

This Train will not Return

(early September, 2009)
 
Home is ...
Where I want to be
Where I ought to be
But it isn't where I am now

Will I find it?
Is it again out there?
My place on Earth
Do you search for me?
Do you long for me?

Call me!
Maybe I hear you
I think I was there
Some time last week
Though so far
And so long to be

Yes!
I hear you, though distant you are
Why so foreign?
... again?
Didn't I do this?
Was I not here before?
Such moments

But this time
There will be NO repeat
No deja vu to be
No back stepping to darkness

I know you need me
I long to hold you
And not be separate
No more the distance
If love is a train
Then home is like the brain
At the end of the line
Terminates there!
All OFF now
And stay

For THIS train
Will not return!

Them

(13th August 2006)

They don't deserve it,
Don't deserve me.
She could have been happy
A Polski man, a Polski boy,
Living the Polski way in a Polski house,
Like another gerbil
In the Polski cage,
The Polski way.

But she got me,
Fate banged us together,
Forever I suppose.

I don't regret that
The only good thing I think of
Is her and him
With me
But why me?
What have I done? I don't deserve them
They may need me,
But I can't deliver.

The Word

(12th August 2006)
 
I've always been this way
I suppose
From schools that lied
Jobs that tied
And knotted me into submission
And guilt

I've wanted to blame them
Blame everyone, Blame the world
Blame even those who say they need me
For all the hurt
I feel inside

I keep strong
But the strong are weak
Outside they seem mighty
Inside a house of cards
One false move
One more wobble
They'll all come down in a useless heap
On the table, over the floor
They'll fall to the toilet even
Get flushed down
Gone forever
And no-one will realise who they were
Till theyu're not here again

There's a word
The hardest word I know
I've resisted it
Tried to fight it away
It just gets stronger and deeper
My fists become pillows
The feathers are flying
And the knockout punch is approaching

Just how much more?
One head is so small
So finite in size
For all this misery, this pain
This failure
Yes. I've said it now.

And that's what it is
A whole catalogue of life it takes
Never before open to the public
Or even private viewing
Until now.

Finally realised
God is not on my side
Except that there isn't one
So that leaves no-one
Nobody to help or harmonise
Unburden or uplift
Assist or stimulate
Join in
HELP me!
Oh god I need help!
'Cos I can't take it
Going down faster than Klammer
But no finish line
Only time.

The Weather Goblin

(mid July 2005)

Softly say
Softly say
The weather goblin comes out to play
He means no harm
Just wants to play
And makes or breaks the day

His bag of smells
And jars of clay
Bring rain, Bring sun
A little snow may come your way
The weather goblin down your way
To brighten up the day

He flies about
Laughs so gay
Today is fine! Go out and play!
Tomorrow's just another day
Who knows what mood
The weather goblin brings to play

With a look of white
And wings of grey
The weather goblin flies away
Who knows? Who saw him today?
What happens on the chosen day?
How will we see? What time of day?
You'll never know. You never pay
The weather goblin wants it that way

The Watchman

(25th March, 2009, 7.45am)
 
With his evil smile
And sinister grin
The Watchman reels me in

Thought I'd left him behind
Where did he hide?
How did he get in?

The TV Screen
Is his latest scheme
To rob me of everything

So don't sit tight
Cos when you think you're alright
The Watchman will make another fight

He will win this day
Can't make him away
Why is it I have to pay?

To break his curse
Just GIVE ME the WORDS!
To smash him before me first

But I feel too weak
His is the Winning Streak
What cunning! What mystique!

The Right Exit

(Monday 23rd September, 2009)
 
When you think of your life
And what you have done
Will you be free?
Will you acquit yourself?
Or is judgment passed
The black cap donned
And with it, no more?

Do you win when others fail?
Go where your foes dare you?
Talk when silence is demanded
Do you fight when no other can?
Take heart in the dark times?

Or do you stumble?
Fall when others flee
Dig in when all is easy
Go down when they are high above
Fail
When others around you cannot

When you think
You reflect there on 'Judgment Day'
Can you say, hand on heart
You were a man ... or mouse

And when all's said and done
Your fate decided
Will you take the right exit door?
or plunge to fires of hell?

The Return

(29th November 2009)
 
I will not be
Gone long from you my love,
Till that day I appear again,
Keep thyself pure for me,
Maintain chastity,
Do not break your word.

And when that day is here,
We will fall into arms,
Never letting go or wanting to,
Forever yours and all mine,
Never to be parted again.

Now is
Just a temporary blip,
A short-term loss,
A sideline that we must endure.
You showed me the path,
I will follow it again someday.

And then the gold,
The treasure chest wil be opened,
We will need no key,
Just you and I,
And love for each other.
And the moonlight sonata will play,
For us.
You and I will shine like the sun,
And twinkle like stars.

Ohh how that will be ....

The Netbug

(Thursday 13th August, 2009, early afternoon)

Hey!
Let's try a new game today!
Wait till he hits the button
Then JUMP HIM!

Bite it! Cut it down!
He'll hate you
Ha! See his face?
That's what I live for!
Ohh! What FUN!
My life is never dull!

And when he comes again
Let him on a while
Just count to ten
Then BOOM!
It's off again
Ohh I NEED that anger
It fuels me, builds me

Ah HAH!
Now SHE is here
Ohh I can't resist
WHY should they talk?
WHY have fun?
That's HAPPY!
It will kill me
I'm too young to die
But the power is mine
I need the pain and anguish
To stand up again

You will never find me, know or see me
But you know I'm there
No, no - don't look there
Ha! There's no solution
And no tech fix can delete me
I am no virus
But everyone knows my name

And
I'm really quite fun
We could get on well
You and I
Just accept me, let me in
Turn the other cheek
Close the blind eye
Go fly

You
Do not need me, but I do you
So
Maybe
Remember that this IS
I cannot escape
And yet
We need each other
Not believe me?
Yes, YES, it's true
You need me
And I, parasite, need YOU!

The Challenge of Slow

(29th March, 2009)
 
"Take it slow!"
Walk don't run?
Don't worry be happy?
Just relax?
What IS it to you?

Here its meaning is a challenge
An affront to common-sense
Meaning "Wait for something to do"
Or "happen"

The tea helps
Gets me through part-days
But my mind races
And wants to be used
To be needed

How do they do it?
Every day like this
With little hope of more
Or action in life
When will they snap out?

I am not sure
Today I can, tomorrow another
One day smiles, the next scars
The point comes
When I have to cry out
"Take me now!"

Temptation

(25th October 2009, just after midnight)
 
I know by now,
Such places are wrong - they make no sense,
Looking at what you can't have,
And then thinking too much,
Of what you'd like to do,
To them.

They see me?
I look, they look away,
It's too red, too bright,
And they speak a foreign tongue.
I can,
But I can't.

Temptation,
Such circles are a curse,
And places are worse,
For me.
I look,
I see what I want,
I won't.

Tasteless Morsels

(early February 2012)
 
The man said it so well
But he was wrong
As I lie here bubbling under
The snakes rear to take my eyes
And the trolls follow
To gorge on my brain

They will find nothing
Just tasteless morsels
And fat
For all that was of me
Has left me for another place tonight

Symphony of Days

(Friday 30th October, 2009)
 
Everybody has a song
What does it sound like?
And you are mine!

Your lips, cherry red, are for pleasure,
Your eyes sing through my soul and enchant me,
Your smile is sweeter than Four Seasons,
And to hug you is Beethoven's Fifth,
So dramatic, majestic with power and strength,
It fills me with wamth,
And I feel alive.
No longer
Will I be silent,
You are
My Symphony of Days,
Symphony of my Whole Life.

Come,
Sing to me yourself.
My body needs you,
My mind is silent,
They both need
The power of Your Song
And Magic of your Musical Mind.

Why would I hear another?

Swirling Torrent

(27th October 2012)

The swirling torrent of water here,
Danger only lurks
But the best catch
I see
Down there, it comes, goes
Tempts with eyes warm, mouths wide
I throw in, bait of choice, I wait
They nibble
Hard do I pull, but no
Once more they escape
And return to the pool
And disappear

But when I have as now
Ohh I PULL, PULL
HARD with ALL my might
Is this one to be?
Or another lost to the mire?
Will she evade or swim near?
I try what I can
But hope, HOPE
That THIS one will come to shore.

Sweet Taste Of Love

(early June 2012)
 
My heart speaks to me
It calls, pleads to me, begs
GO! GO SEE HER!
Take the plunge! What the hell!
To lose is material
And to gain is OHH!

But

The big, bad brain
Gets in my way
"Stop!", "Think what you do!"
"Do not go there again!"
"You know it can't be"
"... and what follows is just pain"
"... and longing for more."
"More heart, more her, more ..."
"For it will never end at check-out time"

From hammer to hell
Heart and head once AGAIN collide inside me
I cannot hear, they deafen
As the battle rages
Swords clash, horses, dogs bark
Wild hounds in the night bay on

"The hunt draws near!"
"Come! Grab your steed,
And ride, RIDE ON into destiny unknown
She is there, one territory away
Ohh, the feel of her skin
And her soft, smooth hair
That voice, those eyes
Can YOU not take her?
Will you deny what is right yours?
Or will you go on, stumble, never find ...
The sweet taste of love no more

Sundown

It's Late
I Go Down now cherry red with my day's work
of the day which now is night.

Clouds join me
Our unity scatters red along the skyway to beyond
Taking me with it
As I go further to rest
For another day.

Now my colours scatter too
Lilac, red and pink shades are spread around
To skies which are gone now but will return another day
I am going but not gone in magnitude.

The dark envelopes me now
I do not fight it but welcome its coming
It is my foe but we are friends
Till tomorrow he is King here.

I am left in clouds alone
To take me to viewers high and low
My violet, dark presence still is.
All that is left now
Is peace, dark and stillness.

Don't be sad or have sorrow feelings now
What has been will be again
You will again witness the wonder
When I return in morn skies
And leave you at day's end
To colour your life sky
You will paint me
Will want to picture me on film
Will marvel for those who were not there
They do not see what you did today
You are stronger for its beauty
They have only memories and words
To know me is enough
To understand and admire
Is all you need
For life days.

Sunday

It's Sunday today
A day when normally
You and I are together, and
We might watch TV or eat and talk
I don't have a TV here
And my cooking is all my own
It makes me think
And wonder

Who are you with this day?
Nobody I suppose
For you liked staying at home
Arguing with your mother (and me)
And talking on the telephone
To distant voices
And unknown friends
Maybe today you'll see those people

Music is no substitute for you
But it's all I have
You're not here
I have to spend my time this way
It's hard to get used to
I'll get used to it
I will
I'll have to

Strangers

(31st July 2009)
 
All kinds of people around,
Never meet, never speak, never touch,
Never show their faces or share names,
So many and yet so few do they know.

Strangers are people who think,
Of each other,
Of another lover or chance to start,
You see them, they don't look,
But you think, you know, you need them too.

Where? Who are they? Why are they there?
Sometimes we do not see, only feel or hear,
Image or sound,
Strangers we want are strangers no more.

What do we do?
If we want or think or feel?
About strangers that we need to know,
Closer to come to, to be with.
Are they strangers no more?

Strangers are not odd,
Just people who need, who feel,
Feel each other but never see reality,
Only in dreams or sleep,
Or in showers or massage tables,
If we can enjoy a stranger, we can be ourselves,
Together with the one we wanted, we needed,
Strangers become lovers, friends, partners or more.

I never know strangers,
They are not foreign or unclean,
Just unloved or not needed by others,
Only I seek them as different,
I want them, I feel their needs,
They come to me,
We are strangers no more,
We are ONE!

Strange Foreign Land

(24th March, 2009)
 
My head is imploding
This Strange Foreign Land is capitally so
And beyond me.
How do they get by?
To survive, to live, to get by?
Is beyond me

And here I am - this 'compound'
Is that special language?
A code-word for paid-prison?
Leave granted on paper with details and signatures
Which are unattainable
Except by waits and queues
It drags a guy down

Headache, neck ache, brain ache
But never further do they take me
Is my body an iron castle?
Will it never give in?
How do I take it?
This pain
Hell burneth me like Chinese torture
of the soul
Forever to damnation

With or without
Money rules my life
And has power over my brain
My destiny needs it
But my strength abhors it
'And the winner is ...?'
No Oscar this time
Golden Globe for resilience
Wooden Spoon for bank balance

What is it to be?
The game has changed but rules the same
Same headache, new desk
Same challenge, new faces
But the door is still of wood
And opens and closes like all
Should I grasp the handle again?
And pass through to yet ANOTHER
Is the grass still greener?
Or is it the light of hope?
Are they all mirages?
Irony here - the 'desert'
What will fate finally serve to me?

Sport for All

(23rd April 2009)

Sport is ....
"A game for all" - that's what we're taught.
It's when many hard battles are fought,
On track, pitch, ground or tennis court.

And it's great fun!
Come for a swim! Go for a run!
Lift some weights! Feel the sun!

It's only a game ....
Life and Sport are NOT the same.
Play to win but not to blame!
Some we lose, some take all the fame.

You won't regret ....
Score a great goal! Go to the net!
Pot all the balls! Win the first set!

But never forget ....

Do some sport!
Get fit! Get active! Get set!

Because ....

Your best day of sport has not happened yet!

Song of the Stars

(late July 2009)

Stevie said you were "Sunshine"
For Edie, the "Moon" was mine
And Eric said you're looking good
And "wonderful tonight"

But I agree with Hucknall
Who spoke about his "Stars"
Cos I've found one and you know who
Is coming from afar

For Jenni it was the "Power"
No "sacrifice" for 'John'
Paul Weller said it was all OK
And Mikey asked "How Long?"

"You spin me round", cried disco Pete
In "strength" you are my "Tower"
But my favourite words are Whitney's words
In love we can all feel POWER!

Something with Nothing

(Monday 23rd September, 2009)
 
What does it mean?
Nothing to do, all day to do it
How can you do something with nothing?

Is time spent on nothing a zero?
Wasted if not productive?
How to know if you achieve
... if nothing is your goal
... and zero your result?

There is time
Time for nothing passes by
We spend a lot of something on nothing
Empty chairs are filled
Yet we do not see what we do
And feel the vacuum
Does it satisfy?

When will we learn?
Do we study the void?
Does darkness envelop all of us?
Will we go where nothing is ...
and nobody wants?
Can we further our cause ...
by the study of what is not?

Open your minds!
Show them you CARE
I will not DO with nothing
what is better with shape
I do not see now
But feel it will be
And know most of all
That the end,
the end is worth all the wait

So I Return

(early January 2012)

And so I return to my lair
Defences down, eyes wide shut
To reflect on what was, is, will be
A sadness comes over
For I feel
There is nothing

And was it I, the fault
Who brought me to this day?
Or she who told me so
She who made me here

And was that it?
Last hope into sunset rode
Never to return to me in my shack
Or see me through more

Snuffed Out

(16th April 2013)

And so here I lie
Snuffed out by another
My "Eternal Flame" flickers
Dies and will re-birth
Though another ...?
The heart cannot say

She To Me

(Saturday 28th August 2010, early evening)
 
She is to me
Like wool to clouds
Like green to grass
Like birds to the trees

And her face shines
Like the brightest star
Her hair - it is to me
Fine smooth as silk
How I WANT to touch
To FEEL it run over me
And to do those things as before

Her lips
They run over me like day to night
And OHH those heaven-sent eyes
They live on
Forever they need be
Never stopping, slowing or to fade

But to see them with mine
Is like honey bees
Now they wait, they need to
Soon, my sweet, so VERY soon
Will they come together with mine

She and Me

(Tuesday 27th September 2011, evening)

I want to be there
To see her again, feel her, taste her
But it cannot be

Why is it ....
When I have I lose
And gain what I do not
Where I want, it is not
Where I am, nowhere
Far from here
The place I need
The one I was and need now
Will she take me?

I could go
Throw all away once more
And sacrifice
What I have tried to build
All for ONE?
Who would, but I?

Maybe I jump too far
Leap too high
And will fall so far to the ground
Is she there to save?
Will I jump blind or eyes a-wide?
What will be the end?
And IS IT ....
For she and me?

Second Round

(2nd February 2013)

And here, the second round
Began as the first
A lone soul ... waiting
Hearing no-one, seeing no thing
Just whispers ...
Of your soul that once was
Who would share such time?
It is as I was
Not what CAN be, but must

Sea of Love

(mid February 2012)

So ... once more, ONCE again I dive into the Sea of Love
Will there be sharks? Dolphins?
Will I get bit, stung or maimed?
Sink or swim? Win or lose?
Move through or regress?

One thing is sure
I think too much, wish too big
ANOTHER is to come my way
I will open arms and let her in
Will she be "it"? The "one"?
I am not worthy to say

Run Away, Go Far

(3rd January 2009)

Had to be today ....

That stick to beat me with,
That cactus to sting,
That albatross for my neck,
Have all come today.

Why did it happen?
And why with me?
Why after so long?
We were so happy,
Gettin' along just great,
Till this morning,
And THAT.

Now he is away.
"Your fault!", she said,
She blames me,
But herself is the fault,
And her lies will spread,
To damn me,
And further confuse my soul.

I want to go back,
Get me a Tardis,
Go back, warn myself,
"DON'T FALL IN LOVE!"
"GET OUT OF THAT BED!"
"RUN AWAY, GO FAR!"
But what would be?
Without her or him.

I would be weaker,
Would be further,
Unloved and still needy,
Needing but without receipt,
What good would THAT do?
To change the past history,
I would not be going where I am now.

Rock Eternal

(23rd January 2009)
 
I stand here Eternal,
Blown by Winds, Poured on by the Rains,
Sometimes I wonder will it ever end?
My Torment, My Sorrow

And I suffer forever,
No animal would,
They shelter, they warm,
They find Solice and Warmth,
While I die a slow one,
Not moving, always melting,
Daily and unchanging.

I want to get away, to escape,
Change my soul, my face,
My life,
I was born this way,
And so I must remain,
Until the next.

But I am proud,
I stand here, Undefeated, Unhindered,
Not challeneged by Man or Beast,
I resist them all,
And too,
They need me, they depend,
On what I ONLY can give,
Thousands of them, everywhere,
Every man has always needed,
The one like me,
To them I am not suffering but strength,
I do not bend or break,
Not yield to temptation,
I SHALL NOT ABANDON THEM!!
They feel my friensdship, my power,
WHY would I want to go?
I have a friend, a TRUE FRIEND!
It is the friend of ALL men!
Now and forever.
I am whole and independent,
You may not know me,
But I see all,
I stand tall and mighty,
Nothing can take me from you!
You are my friend,
And I your Companion, your Servant,
And it is to YOU I give myself,
To hold, to be needed,
To be loved and respect due,
Ohh HOW can I doubt what I AM?
The best I WILL be for you,
And you for ME!

Reflections Alone

(17th January 2009)
 
I am cold here.

I sit here alone with my Habit,
Sit and think of you,
My only love.

Where are you tonight?
Do you wait? Do you hunger for me now?
Are we to be together this night?
Or is it another illusion of the moonlight?
Another dream, a fantasy of our love.

I need you here.
All I have is my habits and pets,
They do not replace or demand you,
Do not tell me of you and of me,
Only to reflect in me your shadow,
And a reflection of your love.

Where are you tonight?
If I go up, are you there in my bed?
Awaiting me, waiting to hold and hug,
And do all that lovers do?

Or are you far away?

It is so cold here.
Without you my night blows a thousand kisses away,
I see them on the wind, in the clouds like raindrops,
They call to me, they need me, want me to come,
But I am outside them.

How to approach? to get closer?
Ohh how I need them now close to me!
They are like you - a comfort to my bosom,
A reminder of what I have not,
But what I could have if try I will.
Why must it be this way?

Exhaust me do my thoughts,

My reasoning is hollow, my truth a lie,
To get there I must tread another path,
One of uncertainty and sorrow.
Will YOU be there at Journey's End??
I Fear not,
And yet .....

I dream it WILL be so!

Reboot

(30th March 2013)

Need a reboot
To "relight the fire"
Shock the system
Turnaround the train
For it runs fast from me
Into the void
Far from your heart

Rebirth

(Wednesday 13th May, 2008, 11pm)
 
Five years ....
To some it is life,
Others it is near death,
But to me it is a lie,
A deceit of my time there.

And to you, its creator,
When you turned my life
Upside, the down fell out
And was scattered,
The pieces many, far and wide.

I am more together,
But still I seek,
I look to find what once I had,
To put together
The pieces with a new name
And new light through will shine!

Will she come there?
And help with the task.
The pieces are no mosaic,
But a crust of feeling,
A light of desire.
So strong it is
It feels so much
Like a life to come.

Is it rebirth?
Created from youth
Or resurrection
Half death, other a new song
I now see it
I take it, need it, I long for ...
The glory
The news
The silence of pain.
Heals the scars, closes the wounds.
Let them not burn now,
See them stay.
The knife that once plunged
Is now dissolute
And swords to ploughshares
Mine own shall become.

Thank you!

Rat's Entrails

(mid October 2009)
 
Why have I come?
Why did you bring me here?
This land of plenty, this new horizon,
This promise,

So far,
The gold paving is shiny yellow,
Blue skies are tinted grey,
Riches are just multiples,
The grass is greyer,
And I am left alone again.

Such adversity I face,
To win is yet to lose,
To be better is still worse,
To have improved is fallacy,
How much longer?

My suspicions,
My feelings were right.
I followed a rat,
To its den,
And now I eat its entrails,
And think of better,
In another.

Rain

(21st July 2009)
 
RAIN!

Do you fear it or embrace it?
Do you love it or loathe it?
We All need it,
We ALL have our need of Rain.

Lovers need rain too

Bringing people close together by fireplaces and on rugs,
Keeping each other warm and snug and watching the Rain.
How it beats on the window, how it shines in the sunlight,
The beauty of Rain.

We never think of it, we complain,
Curse how it ruins our day.
But you have to love rain,
It gives us hope,
We live our lives because of Rain,
And enjoy those who we love and cherish,
Rain unites us and keeps us whole.

But it can be angry.
Like fearsome gods or great demons,
Striking down on the earth we tread,
Bringing trees down, tearing up the ground under us.
You must respect it,
Or it will take out vengeance upon you,
Fear it, love what it gives but never ignore,

What Rain gives us is Life and Death,
We will always need it and yet need to keep its distance,
Our homes and lives keep safe,
From Rain and by Rain.

Prodigal Son, Truant Child

(Saturday 29th August, 2009)
 
I returned
But as Prodigal Son
Or Truant Child?

Didn't feel it
The magic was gone
Spirit vanished
Where was I?
And who?

This day I am foreign
Not what I was or felt like
Who came off the train?
And stepped back on?
Me Version 2

I abandoned you once
Now I was back
But you did not welcome
You rained
And chased me away
My feelings damp
Enthusiasm grounded

Have I moved on again?
Where will I ever be?
With whom I KNOW
But settle? I know not

Another failure
Not a revisit
But an admission
Yes I was wrong
But you do not forgive
This I see

One more for the chalkboard
Next please? No!
For it will be the last
And I will not fuss
Nor fidget, fluster or fight
This feeling
Must not pass on

Princess In The Tower

(mid October 2009)

My princess,
So far away locked up in her Russian tower,
Chained by distance.
Break out!
Come! Fly to me!
Let's be together! Here! NOW!
I want this like no other,
Life needs you to be here.

For without you I am one again,
Just a light in darkness,
Candle in wind,
A ship at sea,
In the storm.
Like Truman I know it's not real, it's seated against me,
To prevent me, to turn me away, to stop me.
I cannot fight it but it is there,
To deny me again in my life.
I need to fight, to resist it,
To see through its lie, to break it down,
I cannot do this alone.

Now I sit, I wait,
My questions unanswered, my fate unknown,
Outside a raging city burns,
To consume me, to take me in,
It needs me too.
Will I succumb? Do I need it? Or want?
Must I be here?
So alone in its wind, its fire and ice,
To make it better.

Puzzles a-plenty,
To solve alone, no help,
Well alone I cannot,
I feel, I need to be joined,
To be whole again,
As it once was.
Is she out there waiting?
The ivory tower,
Dragons and monsters attack and surround it,
I have no sword and I still need my prize,
To climb the tower,
"Let down your hair!",
I will come, I will.

But no.

Played on You

(23rd March 2013)

I played on you, and you on me
Was it fiddle?
Strings plucked or strummed
Was I in time?
Aligned with your needs
And wants went a-begging
An octave up to a fifth
And quavers that waver
On the stave of slave
I came to you, cap in hand
And was met by klaxon.

Pieces Of My Life

(19th September, 2009, evening)
 
I see them here
They invade my sight and surround
The pieces of my life are all around me
I can't hide or deny them
They are what I have done
And have failed to do

And they show how it is
To now like them my time is scattered
And unfocusssed it has become
Can I find ...
Or put them back together?
Not here, not now

But I can
They WILL be united and whole again
YOU have given me this
And brought me together again
Fragments are not, whole once again is
Because of YOU
THIS has become!!

Paths Crossed

(15th April 2013)

Well, ...
I thank you.

Our paths crossed,
And it seems lifted, separate,
And are no more

What was ... A week of upness and joy
Was too good, true to be
And now,
Back to slumbers
Where I belong to be

Did I wrong you?
I know not why
I showed as I was
And as feeling had.
You, I see
Did not agree
A "friend"
But no more

So can it be ...
I wrong again once more
And slip inside
The body of another
And mind not of my own
I hate this place,
And all it means

Can I be free?
I thought as much
But you
Thought not

Passion Flower

(28th August 2010)

It is over now
The night sky comes among us
And as daylight fades it brings ending
The LAST of the old
NEW tomorrow will bring plenty
My fire will BURN AGAIN
As SHE fuels my flames
Ohh how this passion flower blooms
The waterfall rushes on
But wait .... who goes ....
Those .... Wild Horses!

One Step To You

(early September, 2009)

One step, my darling, to you
Makes one step to life
But one of those
Takes me from his

He has his needs
His fears and futures
He needs two
But one will do
Cos I can't be there

I sit here and see
The place I was
The one I was meant to be
But what
What will become of me?

To move on, I see
Takes a large part of me
Away from here, through valleys, over the sea
Cross borders, cross checks
And these
These I must do for ME!

Once There

(8th September 2012)
 
See them there
Smiles broad, eyes open wide,
"Two and baby makes three"
I was there once
Long ago

Now I have ...?
Broken promises, loose ends,
Ifs, buts, unwelcomes,
Pieces that once were
But now are fossil
Is there a way?
A means to breathe life?
A regen? Kickstart? Reset to it?
Push! Push it NOW!
Give me it all back!
To fill my void life.

Once oh Once

(9th March 2013)

Once, oh ONCE you welcomed me
With smiles wide, open arms Now you greet weakly
And with tired eyes you come
To see me through another

But what? Why?
Did I snub you?
Was I not good son? Non-fitting?
Where did I stumble?
And why is the 'Welcome Mat' worn so?

I feel
An outcast from you
The runt of litter
Black sheep of white
And so we go
On to an end
Is the road narrow now?
Or did we turn in error?
You your way, I in mine
Are we lost to be unfound?
Or can it be ...
We are parted

So what next?
I had faith, I BELIEVED
THIS was SHE
And we HERE could lie
Together in the dream
The "love shack" at journey's end
Shangri-La noted
If Utopia not, then good times
And delivery from evil
And rage outside
There the wind blows, wild beats down
Smashes my sound
And now,
I was safe
I thought so, wanted

So often, so so LONG
Did I come to you
The road was long, I stuck
Not give up, never quit
Down and out, sank and swam
To endless trial and torment
This is IT!
Never ends
And that, my life will be

On my Island

(Wednesday 24th June 2009, early evening)
 
It's Dark here on my island
I didn't want it
Don't need it so
Want to find light
Open the hatch
Get out and swim
To safety and sanctuary

Which way?
Do I need it?
To leave my treasure chest
Pot of Gold abandon
But leave with my life
And my head

I can't choose
The Gold will help
Will liberate from loans
And hardship
Will free my mind
body and soul will clean
Air will be sweet
And water pure

But what?
Which way to tread?
Should I walk there?
And find peace?
Or more the dark
I know not
But I must
Feel I need to live
Not earn.

Old World into New

(Saturday 29th August, 2009)
 
I have this feeling again
I want you here and near
Want you with me
Need to feel your love
But you are far

It is not long now
Old world into new will fall
And I will come
Into it I will slide
Like a knife through butter
Mower through tall grass
Your fields I will plough

And we will sow so deep
Great masses will grow there
The harvest a bounty
Food for all the world
But first
You and I

Oh my Lover

(Wednesday 13th May, 2010, evening)
 
Oh my lover!
The rose of summer, cherry blossom springtime,
You are like morning dew glistening in the new daylight,
Your face of sun, shines like the day,
And gives warmth of summer days and love.

When I feel you are near,
The day is bright, my mood lighter,
I go on, I know I can go on far,
With you my lover,
I feel a fast car,
A speeding bullet,
A raging storm is inside me, how it burns,
And fills my heart with passion, such passion,
And light and laughter and hope,

Will you let me in?
Or will you open your door and let me pass by?
I will not run or falter,
In you I see so much,
I see you in me, and I see the world,
And ohh what a PLACE it is my lover,
Because you are here,
You are in it with me!

No Carpet Red

(13th April 2013)

As the miles slip away,
I hear them.
They call to me
Encourage, URGE me on
And every one knows my name
And what all this means for you and I

"Go, Gooo ..."
"She calls, she needs you to be"
"It is Destiny! Wait ... you will SEE!"

And every one I pass by
A smile I see
My journey fate they see
They know,
It was foretold.
They anticipate,
And now they see.

There is no carpet red
But each I see
Has waited to be
Part ... of you and of me.

Next Stop Destiny

(13th April 2013)

Once again, once more
Destiny is calling
as I sit, wait on
The train rides further
Will I? Will it be? Are WE?
To be there is a must
And with you ALL I wanna be

Take me in
Accept my heart
It is stained but beats still free,
And vibrant it reaches out
Longing wanting, needing love
Ready it IS, though I am ...
Not set for Fail once more

It's no option
The choice is the devil
And detail yet to come.
Spurred on I seek out
Hard is the choosing
Though more simple need.
To be there as one
A part of your dream
Life to be, free

And so ... and as done
The train is coming
Next stop destiny
Out to your heart.

New Again

(Thursday 13th August, 2009, early afternoon)
 
Am I alone?
Now, NEVER!
For SHE is there
In my life FOREVER

And when that day comes
And her face is real
Ohh, how I will melt into her arms!
Her face will be mine
And arms around me.

She will create me, rebuild
I will start there
New AGAIN!

My Purpose

(Saturday 29th August, 2009)
 
Did you ever wonder?
Ever think
Or consider why it is
We are here

My purpose
It was not clear
Had to search high and low
And ponder plenty
But now
Now I am sure
I know
It is YOU!

My Oasis

(11th June 2009)
 
I saw you there
A vision or mirage I know not
But an oasis
A neverending sea of beauty
So great, it overwhelms me.

And now
I want to be
Want to traverse this desert
And fly the sea
To get to you.
Your arms will be in mine
And kisses deep
Passion will burn
Like fire abounding us.

But will?
Will it be?
Can it happen?
The desert road is long
And many traps and hazards await there.
I will FIGHT
Will OVERCOME
The prize is mine
I CLAIM IT NOW!

My Golden Path

(Thursday 28th May, 2009, morning)
 
The sunlight shall purify
The moonlight will care
And the stars - OH they shine for you
For all time

You light up my life
You burn down but never scorch
Your rays of light me enrich
Your snowflakes do encourage
Never could you harm or hurt
Or will I have to endure
Pain from yours

I wish it were so
That I could lift up to your heavens
And on your cloud be placed
With your angels, in your glory
And feel that I have come
To my place of rest

But how?
How to travel there?
There is no means
No way to go, no ticket
No horseback ride, no track
And no-one can show me
What or how to do
To get myself to you there
To sit, to enjoy with you
And you with me

Some day I shall make it
It will be done
I will find
My Golden Path to your heart
And Sweet Way to your mind
It will come
And let it be NOW!

My Cloud

(early January, 2012)

I have fallen now from my cloud
Did I jump? Was I pushed?
Or did it just melt away?

My Angel of Beauty

(Monday 7th July 2009, evening)
 
Love ....
Is it a Feeling?
Or a Right?
Will be be Happy ....
or Fight?
What will our lives become?

To some ....
Love is an Angel of Beauty
A Cherub of Desire
A Fire of PURE PASSION!
A Wind Beneath our Wings!

We all want it
Some deny it so
They lie
Lie to themselves
And the World surrounds them
And PUSHES them out
AWAY WITH YOU!
Life doesn't need YOU!

Me?
I have found her
And yet .....
So far
So much pain and yet happiness this way comes
I need her, want her, feel her near
She is here with me now
Inside my mind

I wish it were so
To wave a wand, unlock the door
Find the Genie in my Lamp
A Spell to cast
For her to be NEAR

I will run far
Row my boat, Drive my car
Ride the Wild Horses
For I MUST .......
I MUST be where YOU ARE!!

Mum

(1st January 2002)

He depends on me
He needs me
More than Dad ... it seems
I'm his life, his food
I change him, play with him
Wipe his nose

'd be hard without me
Someone to 'choomk', to give him love
To hold him, hug him
And tell him he's special, I love him
And need him like he does me
Different way

And what if ...?
Well ...
He could be ill!
Get hurt! Have an accident!
Oh God! NO!
Not my boy
Save him! Help! Protect him!
Don't go out!
Don't leave alone!
He might ...! He could ...!
Don't go near him!
Don't touch!
Keep away!
My baby!

I can't sleep!
He won't
Or can't, don't want to
Go to bed! SLEEP!
Sleep! Oh please sleeep!
This is torture!

I'm all alone
No-one to help
Got to ... what!
Why won't he sleep?
I can't survive this!
- but I do, I will
He needs me
But ... oh for eight hours!

Another nappy
I love it really
To kiss his little bum again
His funny legs
His little feet
I love it!
Come on, let's check
Have you? Did you?
Go on! Let me change you
You could use another one
Couldn't you?
Yes, yes for sure
Well, let's go

My life? Three things
Him, HIM and H I M !
Oh, and more him
What else?
Well, him
That little boy
Total joy, total love, all of me
In him
From me
Endless